Marketing Feels Uncomfortable? Here’s a Short Book to Help You

How do you feel when it’s time to ask people to buy your thing?

Scared? Guilty? Inadequate? Dishonest even?

Don’t feel bad about this.

When I started promoting my services, I would do it with a timid, insecure voice. I never studied to become a marketer, so I didn’t know anything about how to sell.

I had to learn by myself (and I’m still learning).

Your Music and People by Derek Sivers is one of the most helpful and honest books on the topic of marketing I’ve ever come across.

It’s to help musicians sell their art, but Derek’s stories and lessons apply to any business.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

Marketing is about being considerate

You say you’ll help me become a better cook, so I sign up for your newsletter.

In 2 days, I receive 3 emails from you. The first one is a sales pitch about your new cooking course. In the second one, you say, “Discount sales for my new cooking challenge will disappear in 2 hours — act fast!” The third one is a video where you ask everyone to join your “salt-free mastery program”.

I won’t let the fourth email get to my inbox.

This is not marketing; this is spamming — a great way to annoy people.

Don’t confuse the word “marketing” with advertising, announcing, spamming, or giving away branded crap. Really, “marketing” just means being considerate. […] Marketing means listening for what people need, and creating something surprisingly tailored for them. [Marketing means] looking at things from the other person’s point of view, and doing what’s best for them. — Derek Sivers, Your Music and People, P.18

Here’s how I approach my marketing: I give more than I ask for.

I have a Substack newsletter called Better Writers.

I don’t send emails only when I have a new writing course on sale. I regularly write to educate, connect, and open honest conversations with my subscribers.

Giving feels great.

It keeps me learning, creating, and being curious. If I’m giving, I’m not spamming, which reassures me I’m doing the right thing.

Receiving feels great, too.

When someone pays me for a writing course or service, I feel trusted. It’s proof that people are giving me the chance to bring value to their lives, and I can do that in exchange for money.

Everything becomes easier when you see yourself as a good person who’s trying to help another.

Selling is an act of service.

But it can feel more or less uncomfortable depending on what you associate “money” with.

What money taboos do you have?

I have a friend who’s a great artist. She makes sculptures, cakes, drawings, and murals that people would happily pay for.

This is a Dragon Ball cake holder she made for the birthday party of her 6-year-old cousin (she made the two cakes, too).

My friend is great at making art, but she cannot sell a thing.

She feels guilty when asking for money and believes she doesn’t deserve to be paid.

Why?

Because she’s never seen an abundance of money in her household. As a teenager, she even had to find work to sustain her family and always had to give more money than she received.

I said she’s a friend. I lied. She’s my partner. I’ve been with her for 12 years and I know her more than anyone else.

There’s a beautiful chapter in Your Music and People titled Shed Your Money Taboos.

Everyone has weird mental associations with money. They think the only way to make money is to take it away from others. They think that charging for your art means it was insincere, and only for profit. But after knowing thousands of musicians for over twenty years, I’ve learned this: The unhappiest musicians are the ones who avoided the subject of money, and are now broke or need a draining day job. — Derek Sivers, Your Music and People, P.110

I’ve had “weird mental associations” with money, too.

• Salespeople are dishonest
• Selling is about tricking others
• Money is evil

I’m still working on these. I must because it’s hard to sell anything when you think like that.

What are your money taboos?

You don’t have to do what you don’t want to do

I have a small YouTube channel with about 4,000 subscribers. Some people suggested that I make YouTube shorts to bring more viewers to my channel.

I won’t do that.

Short-form videos are a great source of entertainment for me when I’m bored. But, as a creator, I’m not on YouTube to deliver “pills.” I’m there to tell stories, explore my own beliefs, and help others by sharing my point of view and reflections. I don’t want to do that in 30 seconds.

I’m on YouTube also to market myself (market myself = show my thinking and build trust).

Recently, 3 writers joined my paid Tiny Critique Group for non-fiction authors. How did they find me? Through YouTube shorts? No. They discovered me through a 15-minute video I had made.

So, if you’ve been marketing yourself on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok or whatever other platform and you didn’t find that to be useful or enjoyable, here’s the good news: you don’t have to do it.

A story from Derek.

I was at a musicians’ gathering in Memphis. I met a lot of people complaining that their various forms of online distribution weren’t earning them as much as they’d hoped. Then I met a musician who sold 8000 copies of his album himself. No distributor. No website. Just by himself.

I asked him how he did it.

He said, “I just slowly drove around the city every night, with the windows down, playing my music loud. When I saw someone digging it, I’d go talk with them. I’d sell almost everyone a copy — about 20 or 30 a night. Been doing this about a year. Sold 8000 so far. — Derek Sivers, Your Music and People, P.52

A big lesson from Your Music and People is that marketing gives you the opportunity to practice your creativity.

It’s about being resourceful and doing what excites you, not what’s dictated by algorithms, platforms, or trends.

You don’t have to buy the book

Every chapter of Your Music and People was turned into an animated YouTube video, so you can watch and listen to Derek’s stories on his YouTube channel.

I’m not an affiliate, but I do recommend buying the book on Derek’s website because (1) it’s a useful book to have and (2) all profit goes to charity.

One last quote…

A lot of musicians say, “I hate marketing!” So, yeah, if you thought marketing meant turning off your creativity, spending lots of money, and being annoying, then it’s a good thing you don’t like that. Nobody likes that. Just find creative ways to be considerate. That’s the best marketing. — Derek Sivers, Your Music and People