Annoying Things People Should Stop Doing on WhatsApp

Some people are on WhatsApp to have a pleasant experience.

Others are on WhatsApp to ruin that experience.

Here are the most annoying things that people should stop doing with this app.

Photos

You’re on holiday and you take photos with your phone. Many photos. Like, dozens.

What makes you think that every day people are dying to receive 25+ pictures of you in front of monuments, on the beach, or eating ice cream?

Harsh truth: nobody except your mother cares about those pictures.

We might pretend we’re interested in your photos because we don’t want to be rude. But we have lives to live and give zero f*cks about how much fun you’re having on holiday — especially if we’re at work.

So please don’t let those poor-quality images leave your phone, or maybe show us one or two once you’re back.

We’ll love you more if you do that. Guaranteed.

Audio Messages

Did you just send me a 9-minute audio message?! Since when is WhatsApp a podcasting platform?!

This means that instead of listening to an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience while washing the dishes — the only free time I have to listen to podcasts — I now have to listen to your urms and errs.

Why are you doing that to me? Why didn’t you just call me if you had so much to say?

Text Messages

So you’re also using WhatsApp for blogging. Am I right? If not, then how do you explain this 400-word text I’ve just received from you?

But that’s okay, I know you’ve always loved the written word. Only I wouldn’t mind you using paragraphs, commas, and a couple of full stops every now and then.

That would really help me make sense of what’s going on in that disturbed mind of yours!

Creating Groups

You: “So guys, shall we go for a drink next Saturday ?”

Your friend: “Sounds great!”

The next day you get added to a WhatsApp group called “Saturday’s Drinks ”

F**k me.

Do you really need to create a group for every single social event that involves more than three people?

But the real question is: Why do you then have private conversations with only one person in the group? Every time you send that person a message we get notified too. Don’t you know that?

My phone is exploding because of you!

I’ve changed my mind. Next Saturday I’m going to binge-watch the third season of Breaking Bad.

But I’m still going to have drinks.

Alone.

Sending Words

Hey Fabio!

How are you?

Listen…

Tomorrow

I’ll be

In town

Shall we meet

?

8 notifications when I could have got one. No, the answer is no.

We shall not meet.

Responding

It’s Monday morning. 10 a.m. I text you this simple question: “What time are we meeting tomorrow night?”

I get the two blue check marks.

5 p.m. Still nothing.

At 9 p.m. I see you’re online and am relieved to know you’re still alive. So I text you again.

“Bro, please let me know what time we’re meeting as I have to organise myself. I have a couple of things to do after dinner tomorrow.”

Blue check marks. I go to sleep.

The next morning I look at my phone and you still haven’t replied. Three hours later you’re online — again — but you keep ignoring me.

Now it’s the right time.

“What the f**k is wrong with you man?!??! Can you just put your f***in fingers to use and type in a couple of digits that indicate time???!!! That too hard for you??? You beat me at PlayStation every time we play. Your eye-finger coordination is f***ing excellent! Can I just know what time we’re supposed to meet so I can sort out my f***ing life accordingly???!!! Would you give me that f***ing information?! F***ing hell!!!”

0,003 seconds later I get a reply.

“Woha woha woha! Calm down! 9:30!”

“Oh, wow! Thank you! At last! I really appreciate you taking the time and effort! See you tonight then! Drinks are on you — you lazy bastard! 😘”

(Based on a true story)

Sending Wishes

The last time we spoke was 7 years ago. Since then you’ve been sending me one message every 364 days.

Every year, on Christmas Day, you text me, “Merry Christmas to you and your family!”

And every year, I don’t know why, I feel compelled to reply, “Thanks! Happy Christmas to you too. Hope you’re well!”

Please let’s bring this to an end. Please let’s forget each other. Please, both of us, stop. Stooop! Stoooooooooooooop!

Driving

Your car keeps veering unpredictably across the lane. I can see you’re texting while driving from miles away.

Put that phone down, would you?

Right now you have no idea how dangerous you are.

It really takes a fraction of a second.

See the front of this van?

I was texting my mom on WhatsApp when…bang! I hit a truck in front of me.

Don’t be an idiot.