Wanting My Partner to Fart More and 9 Other Weird Things About Me to Make You Smile
A fun writing challenge for “A Smiling World”
Here are mine. I hope they’ll make you smile 🙂
1. In 10 years I’ve never caught my partner farting or going for number 2 in the toilet (she definitely can’t say the same)
It’s never happened! I can’t explain this! I’ve even started thinking she doesn’t have a bowel! She laughs when I say this, but I’d rather her say, “I do have one. Listen…”
2. I get angry for getting angry
One of my biggest life goals is to never get angry ever again. I keep failing at this, which makes me even angrier.
3. I wish people would take off their shoes when entering my apartment
The soles of your shoes have walked the streets of the world, where dogs shit and people spit. Why are you bringing all that in here? I hope whoever will come to my home is reading this!
4. I often think about the Big Bang
The whole universe was once compacted into a sphere. This sphere exploded and…bang! Here we are. That’s easy to understand. But who put that sphere there? And how? I often contemplate this — it fascinates me.
5. I loved the lockdown
So much focus, so much working out, so much reading, so much freshly baked pizza. I miss the lockdown.
6. I floss every day
Yes, that’s unusual. Most people I know don’t do it every single day. But here are three things I hope will motivate you to floss regularly: 1. Toothache is the worst pain you could ever experience. 2. Dentists charge big money 3. Once you start flossing you’ll realise how much gets trapped between your teeth. It’s gross! Don’t be gross!
7. I wrote a book on how I learned English
This isn’t weird, I’m just trying to sell you my thing. Weirdly, though, I’ve never promoted it so openly before! You can get it here.
8. I hate the music they play at funerals
We’re already feeling so miserable. Why add to it with heartbreaking organ music? I wish I never had to attend a funeral in my life.
9. I don’t sleep with my partner on weekdays
Imagine three alarm clocks going off intermittently every 10 minutes starting from 6:30 in the morning. That’s what my partner needs to wake up. I love you. But I can’t stand that, so I sleep in the other room. See you on Saturday night, babe!
10. I’m a minimalist with a home full of stuff
It’s true! Read more here.
Being normal is an insult. Stay weird! Thank you Veronica Llorca-Smith for this fun challenge.